Controlling Control
This is a bit of background about us and some theoretical ponderings related to experiential learning, as lifelong learners and parents.
“The secret to my own happiness, my own good future, is within my own hands. I must not miss that opportunity!” ― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

🚗 During our family road trip to a famous cave in Thailand, we listened to part of an audiobook, The Art of Happiness by 14th Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. It prompted me to create my own definition: Happiness is your state of being when you positively react to your ‘haps’, or circumstances.
Some circumstances are within our control, much is not. Fellow recovering Type A personalities like me might relate to the feeling of “needing” to have control… Like with other “needs” (such as our son's “need” for LEGO), it's really a “want” and something you can learn to live without. I believe following our path is what makes us most happy, deviations are distractions and often how unhappiness creeps into our lives.
“Are you happy?”
This is one of the questions that the author asks the Dalai Lama in The Art of Happiness. The answer is lovely, and authentic.
I've actually witnessed my own significant shift in mindset from when I started teaching 20 years ago (by the way, I wanted to be a teacher since I was circa 8 years old). I remember the mental and physical exhaustion from only getting a few hours of sleep due to grading papers and preparing lessons, waking up by 5am to drive disdainfully (serious road rage at times) through Los Angeles rush hour traffic, sometimes only barely arriving at my school in Koreatown with enough time to write the date on the whiteboard (in cursive, of course) before the bell rang. Often times kids came in early, many of them having been dropped off for ‘Breakfast Club’ because their parents went to work hours before. So many lovely children were eager to help begin their ‘class jobs’ for the day.
Was I happy? While those children kept me going with daily inspiration — glimpses of magic that we created together in our little class ecosystem — I was exhausted. I was forced to realize that a control-freak perfectionist simply couldn’t maintain healthy relationships while “burning the candle at both ends” — a practice my father used to advise against. Just a few years into my career, I was yet another newbie burnt out teacher; I was laid off by the district along with other recent hires without tenure. It was beyond my control, but I'm grateful it happened, and for an excellent reason – to get me closer to being ‘back on track’ in my life path.
That's when I entered the international school world; I'd previously had no idea that it existed. I fell in love with my colleagues’ shared vision as we developed a brand new charter school together in the sprawling LA district. As founding educators, we were working extremely hard and long hours but there seemed to be more hope down the road for where the International Baccalaureate Programme could take us, and the children. To be fair, there was also a lot of drama, much of it stemming from control issues!
One of my dear teacher friends told tales of teaching abroad at a school in Spain, poofing up my dream clouds (like ‘tugging on my heart strings’ but for ideas). I had wanted to study abroad in Spain while attending university but couldn't afford the summer program, nor could I wedge it in during a semester because of my degree course requirements. I also had dreamed of a summer backpacking around Europe but could never afford it on my teaching salary. My friend made the international school jobs sound so amazing — the package, the lifestyle, the travel around Europe… What my heart had always desired.
After a few years of giving a lot to the charter school and seeing it grow (with growing pains, of course), something out of my control changed my trajectory again. My father was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. It took his life in less than a year after diagnosis. I also had some personal choices I struggled with at the time. In mourning and reflecting on life, I had a realization that many others have had in similar circumstances – life is too short. It was in my control – and best interests – to take a look at options to work abroad. About a year after we spread my father's ashes, I had secured a job in Italy (as close to Spain as I could get!) as a school librarian, and preparations began for a life change.
It was my time in Germany where I did the most self work and where the growth happened. The anagrammatic ‘serenity’ tattoo I acquired there was significant to me because of the part of the serenity prayer about letting go of the things you cannot control. Germany was also where I met James, love of my life and father of Leonato. More about that another time…
My happy place
I finally made it to Spain, many times, most recently to stay there awhile while worldschooling our 6-year-old son. I feel like I was in my element back on the beautiful sands of Valencia, but this time with my family. We exuded pride as Leo body-surfed for the first time, James adjusted to a new mindset and we all applied our Spanish we'd been learning in recent months (or in my case, years). We also remembered our daughter by spreading some of her ashes in the sea. I felt grateful to do so in one of my happy places.
Unfortunately due to Brexit, my UK passport that I worked so hard for (and paid a lot of money for 🤑) doesn't allow us to travel around the EU (European Union) freely for an extended period. Ironically we did start the visa process before Brexit, when it would've allowed us more freedom, but that was something completely out of my control – I couldn't even vote one way or another (fun fact: 2024 was the first year I voted in multiple elections, as both a UK and US citizen). So we maxed out our 90 days and decided to explore further afield. As a family, we all definitely felt happy in Spain, although we've discussed happiness is a feeling that comes and goes.
What’s next? You decide…
Now you're in control – what would you like to know more about? Where should this writing go next? The ex-librarian in me loves an open book, especially the CYOA = ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ texts. I've added lots of links throughout for perusal as well. I’m happy to meander on-demand, as I feel this is my path. Please let me know what you’d like to read in the comments. :)
I love this so much! I'd love to read more about your family and your first explorations and celebrations world schooling. I'd also LOVE to read more about your thoughts and reflections as travel writing. It's such a pleasure to read your writing! I look forward to more!
Love this Jess, thanks for sharing! It'd be great to hear about how you decide which destinations to travel to for worldschooling.